Why the Pool-bot Wouldn't Go

Introduction:

For those of you who don't know me personally, a slight introduction is required.

The Amy that is mentioned in the story is my wife. We moved into a new house (with a pool) in June of 1999. This was our first experience with a pool and we probably seem a bit naive for those of you who are pool veterans. I know I read this story today with a completely different kind of amusement than I did right after I wrote it.

Scoots is the nickname for a guy that spent several years in Africa with the Peace Corps. During this time he would occasionally have access to e-mail and send us some very interesting stories. Most of them particularly gross. After that, he went to chiropractic school and we were then treated to stories about gross anatomy instead of stories about the bugs living in his hut.

This story started out as an e-mail to friends and has been modified very little from that original form.

Ok, now that you're caught up...

Story:

Hey, gang...

To compete with the many tales of Scoots...

If you have a weak stomache you may want to stop reading now. For the rest of you with morbid curiousity, keep reading. Some of you have very little background for this story but I thought you might still get a chuckle out of it. So, just in case it isn't clear, Amy and I moved on Saturday. That should catch you up enough.

As you may know, Greg and I attempted to open the pool on Saturday evening. In the process we ended up dumping almost all of the crud from the tarp into the shallow end of the pool thus clouding the water and leaving a layer of tree crap on the bottom. Enter pool-bot...

We worked on vacuuming a good deal of it up and then decided to try out the pool-bot so that I could stop standing there by the edge of the pool. The pool-bot hooks up to the vacuum hose and uses suction and some nifty internal mechanics (Like my lego robots?) to slowly make its way around the entire pool bottom sucking as it goes. Our pool-bot was a little slow to start but after Greg played around with it a bit it began to move and suck to and fro.

However, at some point the pool-bot just gave up. Sitting in one spot in the deep-end, refusing to move no matter how much I prodded it. Well, I thought, I guess it's just stuck. Since I had company and other things to do I left it for another time.

...time passes...

Last night I went out just after dark to start cleaning up the pool equipment and putting it back into the shed. First I put away all of the skimmer stuff and extra hoses. Then I started to empty out the water bags that are used to hold the tarp down. (They are fairly heavy with water in them.) Anyway, while I was doing all of this I decided to turn the system back on to see if pool-bot would attempt to continue his pool-scrubbing journey. No dice.

I used the hose attached to pool-bot to drag it into the shallow end so I could keep a better eye on it and maybe see what the problem was. Still no movement.

By this time, Amy came out to see if she could help me finish cleaning up. I told her what I was doing and then we started talking about poor pool-bot. During my discussion I decided to drag him up to the surface to see if he was even getting any suction.

The hole in the top (presumably part of his propulsion system) seemed to be sucking pretty good so I reached underneath to see if I could feel any suction. I'm feeling around... there's som little plastic piece... there's the little rollers... there's the scrubber... there's something big and slimy... !! My hand wipped out of the pool so fast!

So, we slowly turn the pool-bot over attempting to keep it submerged so that it doesn't suck any more air into the system. Peering through the dark and looking through murky water we attempt to ascertain (Kids in the hall we salute you) what was so slimy. There, flowing back and forth in the light current is what looks to be a big clump of white wet fuzz. It looked like a big clump of that white stuffing they sometimes use to stuff throw-pillows and various kinds of upholstery. It was not.

I'm looking at this clump and I start to make out some shapes like little feet and a pointed head. But just as soon as I see these shapes they merge back into the fuzzy clump again as if it was all just my mind trying to associate these shapes with something. Sort of like when you see a cloud that looks like Richard Nixon or a potatoe (Dan Quale we salute you) that looks like Robin Williams.

I happened to mention my suspicions to Amy who, at this point, was watching over my shoulder. I told her it almost looked like a mouse or something. She leaned in for a closer look and then with a small squeal confirmed my hypothesis. By the time I looked up to where her head had previously been she was already twenty feet from the pool.

So there I am crouching by the edge of my new pool... in the dark... holding a submerged pool-bot who's suction hole contains an over-adventurous rodent. Judging by the bleached color of its eyes it was way beyond saving. Probably a few months beyond.

Suppressing my gag reflex, I calmy ask Amy if she would be so kind as to shut off the pool pump. She hastily complied since it meant she could keep her twenty foot distance and still manage to help me in my time of need. As soon as the suction was removed the pool-bot expelled the poor critter and he began to sink to the bottom with its long black fuzzy clump trailing behind it.

Fortunately, we were at the shallow end of the pool and it was easy to retrieve the "item" with the skimmer net. Once out of the water I was able to get a closer look. The smell was what hit me first so I didn't look long. I won't describe it much more than to say that from the waist down it was completely hairless. I guess having your waterlogged ass-end sucked up a hose will do that.

In retrospect, I do not think it was a mouse. Upon reflection I realized that the black clump of fuz at its ass-end was probably it's long bushy tail that had inadvertenly been being used as a filter. I just have to wonder why that squirrel wanted to take a swim in my pool.

So, to finish the story; While I stood there holding the skimmer net as far away from me as possible I had Amy retrieve a garbage bag from the house. I then had her open it up as big as she could and set it on the ground with the opening making a large circle. After she had backed away to a safe distance I gingerly flipped the deceased into his final home. Then, after taking a few deep breaths, I approached it... picked up the edges of the bag... tied it off... and exhaled.

We placed him in the top of the large BFI garbage can, said a few words in his memory, and then closed the lid.

Thus ended the battle of pool-bot vs. the dead squirrel.

You'll be glad to know that pool-bot has recovered completely from its ordeal and was last seen carving little white paths in the sludge at the bottom of our pool. Suffice it to say, there will be many many chemicals to join him shortly.